I been to the gym and tanning. Thats my usual thing to do any more. I am going crazy tonite! Aol is kicking me off hundreds of times. Why Aol? Do you not like me? Why are you being mean to me?
You think AOL will answer me? I don't think so. If they do it be some forerign person who I can't understand. LOL

I am glad I got to go to the gym. I hope to go again maybe tomorrow. I got to go to the dentist in the morning. I am scared! I hate going there. I have to be there at 8 in the morning. SO I have to get up extra early. Got take a shower and brush those teeth real good. I can't go to the dentist with smelling breath.

Today, I was feeling kind of lonely. I don't know why? I was just down and out. It is funny to have those feelings. Michael ask me if I felt good? I was like yes. But deep in side I know there is something wrong, but I just don't know what it was. Crazy! I guess thats it. I don't want to be crazy. I want a normal life. Do you every dream of how your life would have been if you made other choices? I some time think that. Where would I be? Would my mom still be alive? Would I have had Ana? Would Emily be a good and honest girl? I love her and Ana too. I wish Emily was here at home with us. I am scared when she does come home. Emily is my 15 year old daughter thats in foster care. She been there for over a year. Almost 2 years. Her Dad don't want her. He never paid child surport. When we got married the first thing he said to me wasn't I love you. It was this means that I don't have to pay on Emily (child surport). We went down a place on the High way. Where a flash back of me standing there in the cold where her dad made me get out of the car. I was so scared! What to do? Where do I go? It was in the middle of No Where. I was there for a while. Lucky me he came back for me. I don't know if it was lucky or not. He use to hit me too. I remember one time he put his fist on my chest and he was a big guy and all his weight on his fist. I felt my heart tearing out of me. Thats, really the only time that I keep in my mind of what he did to me. I know he didn't stay home with me and Emily. We was in a real bad neighbor hood too. I was scared to go out. I lived on Section 8 at that time. I can't remember the rest. Or I blocked it out. That is so funny that you block bad things out of your mind. I been trying to block things out of my mind all my life. And still am. Will I ever stop that? Who knows? It is getting late and I need to hit the bed. I got a big day at the dentist tomorrow.