Saturday evening...

What a nice day and I am inside not enjoying it. Michael is sick with the Flu, I guess. We was going to go over Thunder over Louisville. But he is too sick. I really don't care. I just don't think I can walk that much. My foot is swollen now and not even hot. I went to see my grandma today. Boy is she not doing good at all. I seen her maybe 2 weeks ago and from then til today she looks very bad. She is on morphine as off yesterday afternoon. She looks like my mom did before she died. My Aunt says that my mom is going to be the one that come for her. I don't understand the whole dying stage. How does that work? Who comes for you? When my mom was dying she saw Jesus in the front yard hiding behide the trees. It was hard today to see my grandma. It brings so much memories of my mom. I talked to one of my cousins that was there. She made sense to me. I am living here in my mom's house (and dad's and grandmothers) and they have too many old memories. I need a new house to make my own and have memories of my new family. There is a dog wood tree in the front of my house that when my dad was here in the hospital bed dying. My 2 sisters had planted it out there for him. He was in the house moving his hand to tell them where exactly to plant it at. I was in here too with him watching. That has been over 27 years ago. Those are old memories. I wanted to take the tree with us when we move. For I can have those memories with me always too. But now that I been thinking. I will plant our own Dogwood tree and let it have memories of our own and a new life. And tell/show this baby all the new things that we are going to do and let him/her have memories of us. I have to think good about all this. I know my mom and dad would want the best for me. I have to get over my stress and nervousness for I can go to the loan guy and get this ball a moving. I got a life inside of me that needs good memories! :)