Thursday, June 30, 2005

It is Thursday. It is hot and very hot outside. I just got back from tanning booth and store. I had to go buy some steak for my new George Forman Grill. Now I have to get it out of the box and wash it before I cook them. How much trouble is that? I have such a little house. The trouble is going to be where the heck am I going to do with it when I am not useing it! I still not sure what I am going to do about the YMCA. I am thinking still a "YES". I was going to go there today. But some how I changed my mind of going any where. Tomorrow is pay day for Michael and me. YAY! I had to ask him today for some money. I am getting tried of using mine for food! Lol I know he pays all the bills so I should not feel bad. But my daddy always told me to spend someone elses money. SAVE MINE!!!!!So I am trying!LOL I am so ready for FALL. Only thing I hate about that is all the leaves falling from the trees. Well, I best go and open my grill and get a dinner a cooking! YUM!!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wed. nite

I went to the dentist and I am back alive! Shocking! I didn't think I was going to be ok. I was nervous! I was in pain! I hate going to the dentist! Well enough of that. I am sitting here watching Days of our lIves at nite. Thank god for Soap network! I took a nap early. I had to get up early this morning. I hope I am able to sleep tonite. I got my letter from the YMCA! YAY! But now I am not sure if I am going or not. I pay Gold's gym already $29 a month. For 3 years. I do stupid things. I hope in those 3 years I get skinny! If I join the Y I have to pay $24 a month. I also pay $19 a month for tanning. I like to go they got a pool. I thought of doing it for at least the summer time. Maybe with going to both I can lose this weight! I am fixing to do the Atkins diet, Monday. At least I hope so! LOL I better eat all my carbs now. I got 4 days! I plan on going to a Mexican Rest. soon! I love Mexican food! I guess thats why I married a Mexican. LOL
I let you all know if I join the YMCA. Who knows maybe after tomorrow when I wake up I may hit the road straight to the Y.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I been to the gym and tanning. Thats my usual thing to do any more. I am going crazy tonite! Aol is kicking me off hundreds of times. Why Aol? Do you not like me? Why are you being mean to me?
You think AOL will answer me? I don't think so. If they do it be some forerign person who I can't understand. LOL

I am glad I got to go to the gym. I hope to go again maybe tomorrow. I got to go to the dentist in the morning. I am scared! I hate going there. I have to be there at 8 in the morning. SO I have to get up extra early. Got take a shower and brush those teeth real good. I can't go to the dentist with smelling breath.

Today, I was feeling kind of lonely. I don't know why? I was just down and out. It is funny to have those feelings. Michael ask me if I felt good? I was like yes. But deep in side I know there is something wrong, but I just don't know what it was. Crazy! I guess thats it. I don't want to be crazy. I want a normal life. Do you every dream of how your life would have been if you made other choices? I some time think that. Where would I be? Would my mom still be alive? Would I have had Ana? Would Emily be a good and honest girl? I love her and Ana too. I wish Emily was here at home with us. I am scared when she does come home. Emily is my 15 year old daughter thats in foster care. She been there for over a year. Almost 2 years. Her Dad don't want her. He never paid child surport. When we got married the first thing he said to me wasn't I love you. It was this means that I don't have to pay on Emily (child surport). We went down a place on the High way. Where a flash back of me standing there in the cold where her dad made me get out of the car. I was so scared! What to do? Where do I go? It was in the middle of No Where. I was there for a while. Lucky me he came back for me. I don't know if it was lucky or not. He use to hit me too. I remember one time he put his fist on my chest and he was a big guy and all his weight on his fist. I felt my heart tearing out of me. Thats, really the only time that I keep in my mind of what he did to me. I know he didn't stay home with me and Emily. We was in a real bad neighbor hood too. I was scared to go out. I lived on Section 8 at that time. I can't remember the rest. Or I blocked it out. That is so funny that you block bad things out of your mind. I been trying to block things out of my mind all my life. And still am. Will I ever stop that? Who knows? It is getting late and I need to hit the bed. I got a big day at the dentist tomorrow.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Monday afternoon

I Am so happy Ana got up early! SO we went to the gym early. I got to exercise for an hour ,Yay! I laid in a tanning bed! A real nice super one! It played music and had fans in there. I liked it too much. I relaxed in there. It was up to fast. The times have change. Other then that not much going on. I need to get up and work! Always on Monday is busy for me to clean and get things back together. I am lazy over the weekends. Shoot I am lazy every day. LOL I still haven't got in that pool to clean it out. I did go out there and look at it does that count? I still seen tadpols. Yuck! I feel my lips hot maybe I got some sun today in that bed. My legs to me look a little darker. I hope so! Thats where I want some sun. I read in a mag. that the darker you are the skinnyier you look. Yeah boy! I am going to get super dark. For I can look super skinny! LOL. I best get my butt in gear.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Picture of my love.....


Testing

Sunday nite...

I am glad this day is over. (all most) It's been a long boring day! Nothing on t.v. I even have Satilite. More channels and nothing on. Went to Walmart this evening. Didn't find nothing for me. Darn! I did see this exercise machine that I want. I didn't get it! But I have plans in my near future for it. LOL I just hope Michael gives me the money for it. LOL He don't know yet. I wait until later to tell him. When he gets paid again. LOL and in a good mood. He took me and Ana to Ci-Ci's pizza buffet to nite. That's not very good pizza. I am a pizza lover! I am going on a serious diet tomorrow! It is summer time and time to wear shorts and have nice legs and a skinny body. I got to stop eating out! I order me a Gorge Forman grill and its on its way to my house. So I will start cooking on that. That is healthy! Eat more fruits and veggies and going to the gym or exercise at home. I am going to do it. Yesterday was a fun day. We went to Buffalo Crossing. We seen a white Buffalo and a lot of other animals. Ana was driving a golf cart with me and MIchael in it. She scared me! But if she drives like her dad, he scared me too! He made sharp turns and I thought I was a goner! I could see me flip out. Or maybe flip on top of Ana and Michael and hurt them. It was a very hot day yesterday too. I was sweating so bad! I had on these shorty shorts. I think My legs look smaller. I am getting a tan too. I am going to get this weight off of me if it kills me! I will go to the gym a lot this week. I don't care if Ana don't like it or not. I am doing this for me and for I can live a long life to see her get married to a rich hubby and have beautiful and perfect kids like she is. She is the love of my life and hope she knows it. Well, I am off to get Ana to bed. We have to get up early for we can go to the gym and work our butts off. LOL At least my butt off.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Thursday evening..

Why does it feel like a Friday? All day today I thought it was. I was thinking to day is pay day for my hubby, so I was ready to get some money from him. I need some cash! Some green stuff! Not much going on here, never is. I went to the gym today! YAY! I can tell in my legs that I am toning up. But that freakin' scale says no! I know if I really try it will say YES momma! lol I also went to the tanning booth. They had to sell me some lotion.I bought some when I started but I don't think it works. I use on my leggs and I don't use on my upper part of my body. Well, my upper is darker then my leggs. So what does that tell you.So I had to buy me Dark Sexy Leggs tanning lotion. Why can't I say NO. I have no money. But I sure did use that plastic. My daughter says now debit or credit? She is use to me using that in the store. lol It is a super hot day today and going to get hotter tomorrow and this week. I going to fix beef liver with onions tonite for Michael. I am so full now from rice cakes with peanut butter on them. I ate 4 of them. Plus now that I think about it I ate 2 more plain. Shooo! I am a full! Did I tell you that already? lol I feel it! I got to get busy in this house. Ana had a sleep over. A little girl down the street. She seem to be haveing a good time.She just left to go to her house to jump on her trampling. I need to get our pool together. It has tadpoles in there swiming. How nasty! I am waiting on to hear about if I can get a membership thru the YMCA. I sure hope so. That be something me and Ana can do for the summer. Swim! Exercise! They have other stuff too for she can do. Well, I need to get up and move to the groove. I feel energy coming. Maybe from all those rice cakes I ate. Lol

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wed. evening

Ok! I am back! I took Ana to the movies and seen Herbie. It was a good movie. Ana want to buy it when it comes out. Man was that popcorn good too. After that we went to tanning booth and to Mr. Gatti's for pizza. I am so full and sick. I should have not ate there. I been to the bathroom so many times now. It don't like me. It is a hot one out there. How in the world any one wants to be outside. Michael is up on a roof. How he does it I don't know. He told me yesterday, that he brings home the bacon. I told him keep doing that 'cause I love that bacon. lol I feel better today! Yesterday was a down day. I am not sure why I get like that but I sure do. I need to get busy on this house. I haven't been home today! I got tons to do. I always do. I just wish I had help! I can't do it all by myself. I get Ana to help , but she is only 9 and can't do much. But she does help a little if I ask her. I need to clean my room. Lord if you see it. You would not want to sleep in there. Lol I got to many clothes and no where to put them. So I got baskets of clothes in there. I got Michael work clothes in a plastic bin. I need to dust. I never seen a dusty house like mine. I want a bigger house. But SHoot how the heck I will clean it. I can't even clean this one and it is little. 2 bedroom, 1 bath. Just plain ol' little. I am off to do some cleaning. I just turn the air on, so it is getting cooler in here for me to work. I just hope I get off of my big ol' butt and do it!!!!!!!!!!
It is going to be a good day today! I just got to get Ana in the shower and it will be. I do not know why she don't like to take a shower? I take 2 and some times 3 a day. I love to be clean! It feels so good to be clean and have clean hair. If she had to she will go for days maybe years with no shower.
Oh I change the channel! Bo is on the VIEW! From American Idol.Lord he looks good. He is a good singer too. I miss watching that show. Big Brother comes on soon. YAY! I love that show too. I been watching Hell Kitchen a little. I just can't get into t.v. at nite. I watch all my soaps in the day and then some. COme nite time I can't find nothing on t.v. Well, Ana been sitting here over an hour and still no shower. I got to get her in the shower. I got to get busy and do something! I want to go to the tanning booth and to the gym. But it looks like no gym today cause the day care is over at 1. and its already after 11. By the time I get her ready its over. I think thats what she is doing wasting time for she don't have to go. She hates to go there. Well, I best make her get in there.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

What day is it? I am lost! Tuesday nite

Thats bad I don't even know the day. I been in all day never went outside. What is the temp out there? I am sure HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! SO thats why I am in. Plus I don't feel my lucky ol' happy self. I am down today. I didn't feel like going no where I guess. I haven't done nothing either. My house needs a maid. lol And I am not that. I got a big fly in here. Yuck it looks like one of those horse flies. Yuck! How in the heck do I get him out of here? He is walking on my screen. Yikes! I hate bugs!
Well other then that not much going on here. Life sucks!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

It is Thursday where in the heck does the week go? Is my life going as fast as the week goes? Am I getting older faster? The older you get the harder it is to lose weight. So why in the heck am I not losing any weight? I promise my Aunt last nite that we both was going on a diet today. Did I start it? Well the answer to that ugly question is............ A big Fat NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where is my will power? I can't seen to find it. Where did it go? I use to have it. I been on so many diets in my life that I lost tons of weight. So why the heck am I so big now? Don't know that question . Aol does not like me. I keep gettting kicked off. So I better send this before I lose it again.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Wed. Day

Hi! I went to the YMCA with my friend Dianna. I had such a wonderful time. We exercise and went swiming. Well, I don't know how to swim so I bounced. LOL And on a noodle. Lol I am thinking of joining the Y. I already joined the Gold gym. But the Y seems more like fun. I am filling out my applacation now. Ana had a great time too. She didn't want to leave. We would have still be there but she got hungry. So I stopped to get chix livers and potato wedges. Yum! Now I have to cook dinner and I am not hungry. I need to clean! I haven't been home all day. I guess I better go get busy. I talk to you all later.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Tuesday nite

Hi! Well whats new with me? Not a freakin thing. I went to the tanning booth today. I need to get dark for what reason I don't know why. I guess I think I will look skinney if I was dark. Who knows? Well, I am planning to start a diet tomorrow a 3 day diet where u lose 10lbs. in 3 days. I hope I go thru with that. Well, I better get off of here. My daughter Ana wants to talk to me. I always get scared of that when she wants to talk to me by myself. Wonder what it could be? I know she is bored. It is summer vacation to her and nothing for her to do. No one to play with. Poor little girl. I didn't have no one too when I was growing up. I loved playing with my Barbies. Ana don't even play with those. SHe plays with Brats and Polly pockets. The toys they have now. Well I am off to go see what she wants. Bye all!


Well She wanted to go somewhere special. She is on a summer vacation, so lets do something fun. Oh Boy What shall we do?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Sunday nite

Hi! It has been a while since I wrote. I have been busy with Summer. I been going to the gym and I even joined a tanning bed. I am getting brown! YAY! I look better brown then white. When i look better I feel better. I just got to get my butt on a freakin diet. Monday is always a good day to start a diet. But what kind? I wish I would start one for I can really feel better. I am doing everything that I am should by going to the gym and really working out. I want to be skinney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, if i can't get that then I want to be healthy. I will. No more eatting out! More fruits and veggies. No more junk food. I may do the atkins diet. I may do Weight watchers. Any suggestions? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!